Depression. Anxiety. Chronic pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the route of these difficulties may reside in the traumas of our parents, grandparents and even great-grandparents. The latest research affirms that traumatic experience is passed on to future generations and that this emotional inheritance, hidden in everything from our gene expression to everyday language, plays a greater role in our health than ever previously understood.

Building on the work of leading experts in neuroscience and post-traumatic stress, Mark Wolynn has developed a pioneering approach to identifying and breaking these inherited family patterns. Having worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for more than twenty years, It Didn’t Start with You is his accessible, pragmatic and transformative guide to a method that has helped thousands of people reclaim their lives.

*This synopsis has been transcribed directly from the back cover of the book, It Didn’t Start with You.

It Didn’t Start with You is divided into three parts, and we’re not going to lie, part one—The Web of Family Trauma, isn’t the easiest read. It first introduces the profound idea that whatever is too difficult for us to process doesn’t dissipate but is instead internalised and stored in our unconscious. And how, if unresolved, this internalised trauma can then be transferred genetically (or passed down through our family line).

After the concept of inherited family trauma is validated through scientific evidence and explanation—at a cellular, biological, and epigenetic level, the science is applied to the idea of the family unit at a more practical and relatable level. The author, Mark Wolynn’s Core Language Approach, is then introduced. Core Language is explained to us as the verbal expression of trauma, noting that its expression can be non-verbal, such as sensations, emotions, behaviours or even symptoms of an illness. Part one concludes with an exploration of our parental relationships, their importance to our life force, and the introduction of the four unconscious themes that interrupt the flow of our life force. And a pre-warning: You may need a breather after reading these themes—we did!

As the book moves into part two—The Core Language Map, we’re asked to put the insights gained into practice. We’re walked through identifying our Ore Complaint, our Core Descriptors, our Core Sentence and our Core Trauma/s. Essentially, this is our opportunity to recognise what we hold within us, our deepest fear, and what language we use to describe it. We’re also prompted to question where these fears may have come from and who they might actually belong to in our family line. We know this sounds heavy, and honestly, it kind of is. But it’s guided, supported and encouraged by including real-life examples from Wolynn’s clinical patients and simple structured exercises with prompting questions.

Then we get to part three—Pathways for Reconnection—or, as we refer to it, the bright light at the end of the deep and somewhat triggering tunnel. In this section, we start to explore ways we can heal and make peace with our family history. We’re provided with healing rituals, practices and exercises that help us turn the insights we’ve uncovered into opportunities to release the burdens we’ve stored. And there are plenty of options so that you can run with those that resonate most. Clearly, these types of exercises require time and continual investment of energy. But they also had us feeling lighter and more at peace from the get-go.

In summary, this book’s work is ongoing and heavy but also practical and healing. It encouraged us to become curious about our family history and the traumas of our parents and ancestors with compassion rather than just feeling the implications of these traumas so personally and often painfully. It is a profound read that will shift your perspective and enhance your curiosity and compassion.

Psychology. Trauma. Inherited family trauma. Epigenetics. Biology. Mind-body connection. Parental bonds.

What prevalent themes did you identify in the book?

How would you describe the author’s tone of voice or writing style?

Can you name three feelings this book conjured in you?

What parts of the book triggered discomfort in you?

What parts of the book inspired or motivated you?

Was there a passage that deeply resonated with you? If so, what was it, and why?

Would you recommend this book to others? If so, who would you recommend it to?

How did you feel upon finishing the book?

What overarching sentiment were you left with upon finishing the book?

What insights did this book offer that you can apply to your life and personal growth?

How would you describe this book in just a sentence?

*You can download these questions as a print-friendly PDF here.

It Didn’t Start with You, is currently available as an audiobook on Audible and can be purchased at major retailers, such as Booktopia and Dymocks.